Author Topic: For Dealing with Intolerant Family (Read 1862 times)

Asterix · « **on:** April 02, 2014, 01:36:16 am »

A safe assumption to make is that I am not the only young pagan who lives with in a Christian household. Sometimes, our families can be disrespectful of our beliefs, or even downright hostile. For anyone looking for information on this subject, allow me to offer my insight on the matter.

My family lives together, and we're a relatively tight-knit bunch. My religious affiliation is no secret in the house, and as expected, my family was extremely uncomfortable and angered by this announcement. My aunt especially took personal offense to my beliefs, and has relentlessly tried to convert me back to Christianity. This isn't to suggest my folks are radicals - quite the opposite - they simply fear for my soul. The tactics used by my family range from subtle guilt trips to blatant attacks on my character.

For anyone in a similar situation, I know this is a classic episode of being between a rock and a hard place. In the end, there will be no consoling your family, no satisfying them without lying to them, which I don't recommend. The only thing to do is try to mitigate the conflict as best you can by thoroughly explaining your beliefs to them, and realizing that they are only concerned for your best interests. In my own experience, the most effective remedy is to be both gentle and firm - showing weakness or hostility will only invite more discord. Handle your end maturely, and it is likely your family will respect your position enough to reciprocate. In the event that they do not, be discreet. Nothing will fuel the fire like shoving your beliefs down someone else's throat, even if they are doing the same to you.

I only bring up this topic for others' edification. Hopefully, if anyone in my position comes across this post they will have the correct arsenal of tools to combat intolerance from loved ones. I am not the kind to cry persecution; however, other young pagans like myself need to know that as long as they are serious about their faith, they have nothing to be ashamed about, they have nothing to hide, and they have the right to defend what they believe in. If anyone wants to add to this thread, I encourage them to do so.

Faemon · « **Reply #1 on:** April 02, 2014, 08:00:23 am »

Quote from: Asterix;144232

the most effective remedy is to be both gentle and firm - showing weakness or hostility will only invite more discord. Handle your end maturely, and it is likely your family will respect your position enough to reciprocate. In the event that they do not, be discreet. Nothing will fuel the fire like shoving your beliefs down someone else's throat, even if they are doing the same to you.

Easy to say, not so easy to understand deeply enough to practice

I just found a place to fit my sub-minimum wage freelance writing income and moved into it. It's got mice, rats, roaches, fleas, two bathrooms shared with a dozen other boarders, and a next door neighbor who re-watches Frozen on full volume every day. Every day. Every. Day.

And I like it here, damn it. Still

Quote

I only bring up this topic for others' edification. Hopefully, if anyone in my position comes across this post they will have the correct arsenal of tools to combat intolerance from loved ones. I am not the kind to cry persecution; however, other young pagans like myself need to know that as long as they are serious about their faith, they have nothing to be ashamed about, they have nothing to hide, and they have the right to defend what they believe in. If anyone wants to add to this thread, I encourage them to do so.

Thank you immensely for this

Siren · « **Reply #2 on:** April 02, 2014, 09:20:40 am »

Quote from: triple_entendre;144239

Easy to say, not so easy to understand deeply enough to practice

I just found a place to fit my sub-minimum wage freelance writing income and moved into it. It's got mice, rats, roaches, fleas, two bathrooms shared with a dozen other boarders, and a next door neighbor who re-watches Frozen on full volume every day. Every day. Every. Day.

And I like it here, damn it. Still

Thank you immensely for this

She must be the young woman I see on the bus every morning.

: The whole way, she sings "Let It Go." Loudly.

Vaulkhar · « **Reply #3 on:** April 07, 2014, 12:35:18 pm »

Quote from: Asterix;144232

A safe assumption to make is that I am not the only young pagan who lives with in a Christian household. Sometimes, our families can be disrespectful of our beliefs, or even downright hostile. For anyone looking for information on this subject, allow me to offer my insight on the matter.

My family lives together, and we're a relatively tight-knit bunch. My religious affiliation is no secret in the house, and as expected, my family was extremely uncomfortable and angered by this announcement. My aunt especially took personal offense to my beliefs, and has relentlessly tried to convert me back to Christianity. This isn't to suggest my folks are radicals - quite the opposite - they simply fear for my soul. The tactics used by my family range from subtle guilt trips to blatant attacks on my character.

For anyone in a similar situation, I know this is a classic episode of being between a rock and a hard place. In the end, there will be no consoling your family, no satisfying them without lying to them, which I don't recommend. The only thing to do is try to mitigate the conflict as best you can by thoroughly explaining your beliefs to them, and realizing that they are only concerned for your best interests. In my own experience, the most effective remedy is to be both gentle and firm - showing weakness or hostility will only invite more discord. Handle your end maturely, and it is likely your family will respect your position enough to reciprocate. In the event that they do not, be discreet. Nothing will fuel the fire like shoving your beliefs down someone else's throat, even if they are doing the same to you.

I only bring up this topic for others' edification. Hopefully, if anyone in my position comes across this post they will have the correct arsenal of tools to combat intolerance from loved ones. I am not the kind to cry persecution; however, other young pagans like myself need to know that as long as they are serious about their faith, they have nothing to be ashamed about, they have nothing to hide, and they have the right to defend what they believe in. If anyone wants to add to this thread, I encourage them to do so.

I am spiritually on the fence. I live in a largely nominal (but they take the title seriously) Christian household that is already tough to get along in as it is. When and if I am certain of a path telling them will be difficult but your above advice has given me some hope. I think discretion and not being over the top right out of the gate would be especially important for me at least.

candlemagic · « **Reply #4 on:** April 07, 2014, 11:05:30 pm »

Quote from: Asterix;144232

A safe assumption to make is that I am not the only young pagan who lives with in a Christian household. Sometimes, our families can be disrespectful of our beliefs, or even downright hostile. For anyone looking for information on this subject, allow me to offer my insight on the matter.

My family lives together, and we're a relatively tight-knit bunch. My religious affiliation is no secret in the house, and as expected, my family was extremely uncomfortable and angered by this announcement. My aunt especially took personal offense to my beliefs, and has relentlessly tried to convert me back to Christianity. This isn't to suggest my folks are radicals - quite the opposite - they simply fear for my soul. The tactics used by my family range from subtle guilt trips to blatant attacks on my character.

For anyone in a similar situation, I know this is a classic episode of being between a rock and a hard place. In the end, there will be no consoling your family, no satisfying them without lying to them, which I don't recommend. The only thing to do is try to mitigate the conflict as best you can by thoroughly explaining your beliefs to them, and realizing that they are only concerned for your best interests. In my own experience, the most effective remedy is to be both gentle and firm - showing weakness or hostility will only invite more discord. Handle your end maturely, and it is likely your family will respect your position enough to reciprocate. In the event that they do not, be discreet. Nothing will fuel the fire like shoving your beliefs down someone else's throat, even if they are doing the same to you.

I only bring up this topic for others' edification. Hopefully, if anyone in my position comes across this post they will have the correct arsenal of tools to combat intolerance from loved ones. I am not the kind to cry persecution; however, other young pagans like myself need to know that as long as they are serious about their faith, they have nothing to be ashamed about, they have nothing to hide, and they have the right to defend what they believe in. If anyone wants to add to this thread, I encourage them to do so.

I'm lucky that my family is as accepting as they are. At first I was really scared to say anything and waited until I got out of the house. I even hid my tools in a safe and practised outside as much as possible. After I moved out and told them that I switched to a pagan path, they were just happy that I was happy and connected with something. I know this is rare.

Quote from: triple_entendre;144239

...and a next door neighbor who re-watches Frozen on full volume every day. Every day. Every. Day.

I can commiserate with Frozen. Only it's not next door, it's in my living room every day. I'm happy when my LO goes to bed so I can watch something other then Frozen x.x