The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

I was just here reading up on peoples' matrons and patrons... and used to be, Hekate was my matron. But after this past year, which has been DREADFUL (Basic Training, Job Training, SHARP crap, all while my husband was in Afghanistan) I don't feel the connection anymore. I mean, I don't feel like she has abandoned me or cut me off, I just feel like she's just... stepped away. And it got me to thinking, maybe our matrons and patrons come and go as the need arises. Like we're growing up, and the deity lets you make your way.

So I guess my questions is, first, am I on the right track here? Has anyone had something similar happen? And if so, how did it go?

Thank you , and many blessings.

From dictionary.com:


So, which did you mean?

oops, thanks for catching that. I guess I fell into my own little dialect there. I was referring to "patroness". I just use the matron/patron talk amongst my little circle. Thanks!

I was just here reading up on peoples' matrons and patrons... and used to be, Hekate was my matron. But after this past year, which has been DREADFUL (Basic Training, Job Training, SHARP crap, all while my husband was in Afghanistan) I don't feel the connection anymore. I mean, I don't feel like she has abandoned me or cut me off, I just feel like she's just... stepped away. And it got me to thinking, maybe our matrons and patrons come and go as the need arises. Like we're growing up, and the deity lets you make your way.

So I guess my questions is, first, am I on the right track here? Has anyone had something similar happen? And if so, how did it go?

Thank you , and many blessings.

I don't know if I totally buy the whole patron thing in general, at least for me. I feel like different deities serve different roles in my life and some come and some go.

That being said, though, I definitely have experienced this.

I don't know if I totally buy the whole patron thing in general, at least for me. I feel like different deities serve different roles in my life and some come and some go.

That being said, though, I definitely have experienced this.

 
Thank you for your reply. After reading this, it got me thinking, perhaps we don't need a patron(ess) ALL THE TIME. I guess I didn't think of that, silly me! The "some come and some go" that's kinda how it feels with Hekate, and I'm glad there's someone else who has dealt with this. =) thank you again!

So I guess my questions is, first, am I on the right track here? Has anyone had something similar happen? And if so, how did it go?

Your track there seems logical to me.

I have not really had any deities leave entirely, but they do seem to come and go as the need arises.

For example, about three years ago when I first set out on a path towards healing, I had a lot of interactions with Hades. After about a year, I was told that I was no longer allowed to see him, because the kind of rest he provided was not what I needed anymore. It was too static and I was at a point in my life that I needed to learn to be a bit more proactive and make some serious changes.

About a week or so ago, I met with Hades for the first time since then, so at least for me things continue to come and go in circles.

 

I was just here reading up on peoples' matrons and patrons... and used to be, Hekate was my matron. But after this past year, which has been DREADFUL (Basic Training, Job Training, SHARP crap, all while my husband was in Afghanistan) I don't feel the connection anymore. I mean, I don't feel like she has abandoned me or cut me off, I just feel like she's just... stepped away. And it got me to thinking, maybe our matrons and patrons come and go as the need arises. Like we're growing up, and the deity lets you make your way.

So I guess my questions is, first, am I on the right track here? Has anyone had something similar happen? And if so, how did it go?

Thank you , and many blessings.

I've had guides (including deities) move in and out of my life, and I've also gathered a close family of guides around me.  These spirits are part of my family, and I don't understand those who try to limit their relationship to one at a time (unless they're first learning and need to limit contact with a principle guide so as not to become overwhelmed).  I sometimes wonder if modern traditions advocating having a single matron or patron aren't somewhat influenced by the monotheism around us, but I don't really have enough data to know.
 

From dictionary.com:


matron
 
ma·tron
[mey-truhn] Show IPA
noun
1.
a married woman, especially one who is mature and staid or dignified and has an established social position.
2.
a woman who has charge of the domestic affairs of a hospital, prison, or other institution.
3.
a woman serving as a guard, warden, or attendant for women or girls, as in a prison.

patroness (ˈpeɪtrənˌɛs)
 
— n
1.    a woman who sponsors or aids artists, charities, etc; protector or benefactor
2.    See patron saint
 
[see patron ]
 
patronal
 
— adj
 
'patronly
 
— adj



So, which did you mean?

I use matron and patron (although father, mother, uncle, and sister would suit me better for my group); I don't feel bound to use denotative definitions.  I don't always go prescriptivist, but - when I do - I use the OED.  It's the lexical smackdown!
 

I've seen this happen many times and with many people.

It's especially prominent with children & teenagers that they "grow out of" a particular deity who was working with them.

IMO a patron/ess chooses you because they have a lesson to teach you. When you've learned the lesson(s) they have for you, they sometimes move on and someone else shows up.

Sometimes a deity who isn't your main patron will show up and take you in hand for a while as well. My main patroness is Arianrhod, but Freyja took me on for a year or so, sometime back.

And I can't see any reason that you can't still work with any/all of them who came to you, but if she's getting distant it may be time to ask if there's someone else who needs to teach you now.

I feel that my guides and I are engaged in a process of co-creation and I see our relationships as those between very different equals.  I don't think it's so much that the deities have something to show us (though that's often the case or the case in part) as that our energies call to each other.
 

Absolutely.  Artemis used to be mine, back when I was an avid hunter and fisher.  I could feel Her presence on every trip, when I made kills, skinned carcasses, and thanked the Spirits.  She was there.  But when I stopped (I still like hunting/fishing, just haven't done them in a looonnnggg time), She backed off.  I don't even feel Her anymore.  Which is funny, because Hephaestus and Anubis also backed off around the same time.  However, Hestia stepped up after a little while.  She was the second deity to come to me, after Sister Moon, but she had backed off when the other three showed up.  After they left, She stepped up again and has never left my side.  

I feel, like Spirit Animals, that They come and go, to teach and guide you.  Once the lesson is learned or they feel you're all right without them, they leave.  

However, concerning Hecate, I've heard that She's very stern.  You have to make time for Her, otherwise She won't stick around.  Maybe that's why She left?  Some Deities require the attention, the sacrifice.  Others don't.  Who knows?  I'm not Her, don't know what She may have been thinking.

 
I love the mutable nature of deity and our relationships with them.  Artemis is also one of the deities that hunt sabbers call upon most often.

Stern is close for Hecate, but I don't think it's really that either.  She just doesn't have patience for those who half-ass it; she expects a lot of hard work and has high standards.  And I feel we need shadowfriends, underworlders, keepers of the cauldron whether or not we always like to admit it.

I use matron and patron (although father, mother, uncle, and sister would suit me better for my group); I don't feel bound to use denotative definitions.  I don't always go prescriptivist, but - when I do - I use the OED.  It's the lexical smackdown!

Why would you not use the words that suit your relationship better? I have gods I refer to as mother and father and it's a very different relationship from the ones I might call patrons.

OP, I've definitely had my share of gods whom I worked with intensely while doing something specific and who then handed me off. I consider it akin to how I work with a teacher and am eventually expected to go off and do my own thing.