Church arrogance

[Lucid]

I went to church today with my girlfriend for a baptism on her sisters newborn. Everything was fine although I felt extremely uncomfortable with the family expecting me to participate in the hymns and communion.



Once the reading started however it just reminded me all over again of the self centered blindness of Christianity. He was telling a story of how some "enemy" sowed seeds of weeds in a crop of grain. He said not to pull the weeds because it would take the grain with it. Instead throw them in a fire after the harvest. He then used it as a metaphor saying that the grain was Christians, the enemies was the devil, and the weeds were everything else that wasn't Christian. And that everything else would be thrown into the fires of hell.

The nerve of someone to honestly think that they know the meaning to life an how you should live it and then go on to say that everyone else should be lit on fire if they believe otherwise. It's just so damn close minded. Among other things...
The baby was cute tho.

[RandallS]

The nerve of someone to honestly think that they know the meaning to life an how you should live it and then go on to say that everyone else should be lit on fire if they believe otherwise. It's just so damn close minded. Among other things...

What denomination?

[Gelfling]

I went to church this morning, too, hoping to see some friends I haven't seen in a few weeks (sadly, most of them weren't there), and got to hear the same reading. The sermon I heard focused more on how if we judge too quickly (weed too soon), we'll trample all the good wheat and make a big mess of everything. This being a UCC church, the fire at the end was kind of glossed over; the focus was on living in community with people who are different from us rather than on an unknown final judgment. It was still a little uncomfortable, but mostly just 'I don't worship the deity that we're gathered together to worship' sort of discomfort.

Denominational differences definitely apply.

[OpenHands]

I went to church today with my girlfriend for a baptism on her sisters newborn. Everything was fine although I felt extremely uncomfortable with the family expecting me to participate in the hymns and communion.

Once the reading started however it just reminded me all over again of the self centered blindness of Christianity. He was telling a story of how some "enemy" sowed seeds of weeds in a crop of grain. He said not to pull the weeds because it would take the grain with it. Instead throw them in a fire after the harvest. He then used it as a metaphor saying that the grain was Christians, the enemies was the devil, and the weeds were everything else that wasn't Christian. And that everything else would be thrown into the fires of hell.

The nerve of someone to honestly think that they know the meaning to life an how you should live it and then go on to say that everyone else should be lit on fire if they believe otherwise. It's just so damn close minded. Among other things...
The baby was cute tho.

Welcome to the forum, Lucid. Some denominations do preach these things, but I find it helpful to remind oneself when the blood pressure begins to rise that many other churches- and many other Christians- don't. That helps keep me from feeling overly annoyed, at any rate.

I don't know if this would be practical for you in future situations, but would it be possible to not participate in the actions that make you feel uncomfortable in a church? I don't sing hymns, kneel (I just sit attentively), or take communion (I feel that it would be inappropriate, dishonest, and disrespectful of me not only to the church I'm attending, but to the gods as well) when I attend a church service/mass. When asked, I give a smile and a brief response about how I'm participating as respectful, non-Christian observer. Again though, each situation is different so I don't know if this would work for you.

[Starglade]

Wow. Reading this, after having spent the day in Chicago hearing His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama speak on "Bridging the Faith Divide," about interfaith dialogue . . . wow. Two worlds, for sure.

His main point was, ALL the world's religions have at their center the same kind of truth: We want to be happy. It's the manner in which that happiness is worked for/achieved that makes the differences. At that core, though, it's all pretty much the same: Lovingkindness and compassion for oneself and others.

He says it far better than I. I'm sorry you had such a negative experience.

[Dark Midnight]

Welcome to the forum, Lucid. Some denominations do preach these things, but I find it helpful to remind oneself when the blood pressure begins to rise that many other churches- and many other Christians- don't. That helps keep me from feeling overly annoyed, at any rate.

I don't know if this would be practical for you in future situations, but would it be possible to not participate in the actions that make you feel uncomfortable in a church? I don't sing hymns, kneel (I just sit attentively), or take communion (I feel that it would be inappropriate, dishonest, and disrespectful of me not only to the church I'm attending, but to the gods as well) when I attend a church service/mass. When asked, I give a smile and a brief response about how I'm participating as respectful, non-Christian observer. Again though, each situation is different so I don't know if this would work for you.

I attended my niece's Holy Communion a couple of weeks ago with my very Catholic family. I didn't aprticipate, I just sat there quietly and watched, but not once was I made to feel uncomfortable or unwanted. At the end, the priest/vicar (call them what you like, but priest always sounds nicer to me!) went out of his way to thank me for coming and sharing my niece's special day with them all. Admittedly, my family have been going to that particular church for 4 generations now, but everyne knows my religious preferences do not fall there, yet I am always welcome at any time. I've had some fantastic debates with the priests over the years, and even though we don't often agree, we have never had an actual arguement. We just agree to disagree. That way we stay happily civil.

I'm sorry that you didn't get such an easy time.

[Valentine]

Once the reading started however it just reminded me all over again of the self centered blindness of Christianity. He was telling a story of how some "enemy" sowed seeds of weeds in a crop of grain. He said not to pull the weeds because it would take the grain with it. Instead throw them in a fire after the harvest. He then used it as a metaphor saying that the grain was Christians, the enemies was the devil, and the weeds were everything else that wasn't Christian. And that everything else would be thrown into the fires of hell.

Wow. That's a...novel interpretation of the parable of the wheat and the tares.

[Catherine]

I went to church today with my girlfriend for a baptism on her sisters newborn. Everything was fine although I felt extremely uncomfortable with the family expecting me to participate in the hymns and communion.

Once the reading started however it just reminded me all over again of the self centered blindness of Christianity.

Anytime I have to attend Christian church services I expect to be offended, or at least annoyed, at some point. Sure, some denominations are more inclusive than others, but they're still Christian. It's not my religion, or belief system. I don't expect to agree with much of what's being said. I know this going in, so I try to decide ahead of time if it's something I can deal with, or if it's going to irritate me so much that it's better for me to just sit that one out.

My sister will be having my niece baptized next month (in my family that's just something that you do, whether you believe in it or not). This will be a Roman Catholic church, but not the one my family usually attends. It's one that I have some serious, personal issues with. Sister chose it, because it's close to her house.

Given my feelings about this specific church and my feelings about baptism in general, I will not be attending. Instead, I'll be at my dad's getting everything ready for the party afterward, just like I did with my nephews.

Luckily, I have that option. Sometimes, depending on the occasion, I don't. When I have no other choice, I try to prepare myself in advance, and remind myself that I'm a guest in "their house". I don't participate, my family has come to accept that, but I sit attentively and remain respectful. Meaning, I try not to let my annoyance show. Once it's over, I breath a sigh of relief and let it go.

Sorry that you had such a bad experience, though.

[Waterfall]

I went to church today with my girlfriend for a baptism on her sisters newborn. Everything was fine although I felt extremely uncomfortable with the family expecting me to participate in the hymns and communion.

My mom has convinced me to go to church with her a few times. At first, she expected me to participate, and even take communion, despite me having told her I didn't believe in it. To be fair, that was early on and she probably assumed it was just a phase. Thankfully, she now says she would stop me if I tried to take communion. But she will still tell me that I should be singing or saying the prayers or making the sign of the cross and whatever. She's the one bugging me to go, and if I go, I'm only agreeing to physically be there. Nothing more. But she doesn't get it.

I think part of her insistence is that all her church friends are there and none of them know I'm no longer Christian. I'm sure they figured that I'm not Catholic, or perhaps my parents came up with some dumb reason I don't take communion (too many calories?) but I know they must still think I'm Christian since they talk about that sort of thing with me as if I were Christian. I think my mom might be embarrassed that I'm not Christian. Or maybe she knows she'll get flak from her more fanatic "friends" and just wants to keep the peace. Still, the idea of participating makes me uncomfortable. Sitting there zoning out I can handle, but nothing else.

[OpenHands]

I think part of her insistence is that all her church friends are there and none of them know I'm no longer Christian. I'm sure they figured that I'm not Catholic, or perhaps my parents came up with some dumb reason I don't take communion (too many calories?) but I know they must still think I'm Christian since they talk about that sort of thing with me as if I were Christian. I think my mom might be embarrassed that I'm not Christian.

This reminds me a bit of my mother, you have my sympathies. She may come around with some time and occasional reminders. It seems to depend on the person and how they handle these types of changes. I left Christianity 10 years ago, but that's not a discussion I'm able to have with my mom. She's not terribly religious herself, but it's more about appearances. Respectable people aren't pagan and we are a respectable family, dammit.

The first time she found pagan reading material when I was maybe 19, she cried hysterically. Several years later, when I was planning my wedding she tried to insist on a Christian ceremony in a church. When I reminded her that I hadn't been Christian for several years, she replied, "Of course you're Christian!" I got my outdoor civil ceremony in the end, but I adamantly refuse to discuss religion with her anymore. I'll leave her to her denial and we have pleasant holiday visits.