How to Modify Personal Shields?

[EJay]

I used to be open enough to feel things that happened in places. An acquaintance I knew invited us to stay with them when we visited their city. The room she put us in just felt wrong and I asked her if that was where she was raped. She stared at me as if I had a goat's head, then told me the story.

I work in a hospice now and I've completely closed myself off, unintentionally, after my mom died (which is why I'm working in a hospice!). I don't want to open myself up completely as I used to be--that would freak me out, I think, every day I go to work.

But I also know I'm missing things. I still feel stuff when it's strong enough when a patient passes, but I know I've cut myself off from experiencing a lot of the transitions, but I don't want to open myself completely, if that makes sense. I don't want ghosts following me home.

I just don't know how to modify my receptiveness without it overwhelming me.

I want to learn how to open the door wide, how to shut it, and how to leave it partly opened/closed. AND, my biggest thing, I don't want anybody following me home. I can deal with ghosts at the hospice, but they're not allowed to follow me home.

So any help with controlling receptiveness would be much appreciated.

Best~
EJay

[Jenett]

I want to learn how to open the door wide, how to shut it, and how to leave it partly opened/closed. AND, my biggest thing, I don't want anybody following me home. I can deal with ghosts at the hospice, but they're not allowed to follow me home.

The usual way to work with that is to be really deliberate with it - and at least for a period of time, use specific triggers to help you do it.

So, for example, you might work on deliberately lowering your shields at specific times in spaces you feel safe in, and work on associating that with wearing a particular piece of jewelry or holding a particular stone (or other small object) in your hand. Start by practicing at home, then in other places you feel comfortable, then stretch yourself a little (by which I mean "coffee shop" or "public library", not "hospice")

If you want to stretch your general awareness, lowering your shields and then doing psychometric work (having someone hand you objects to 'read' - stuff they know the history for, and you don't - can work, or exploring spaces you can find out more about later.)

The other way to do it is basically the reverse (which you might do after you get to the point you're comfortable unshielding in a variety of places again) - set up a piece of jewelry or thing you carry when you're at work, and then deliberately take it off/put it away when you leave work.

(Particularly handy for "I want to leave X things at work." kinds of jobs. Making a physical break between work and home can help too - having a shower when you get home, brushing your hair or teeth, having a short physical relaxation exercise, taking a deliberate moment to disconnect from work when you're driving/walking/whatever out the door all work too.)

It's also worth noting that it's possible to make a lot of this fairly reflexive: I have personal shielding up large amounts of the time (it comes all the way down pretty much only in ritual or when I'm in warded space at home) but in adjustable variations depending on where I'll be. (Much lighter but still there these days at work now I'm not working with lots of emotionally-variable teenagers, heavier if I'm in busy airports or crowds.)

Most of the time it adjusts without my conscious control: I only do something deliberate if it's a situation I'm not in very often (airports, crowds), I'm not feeling great (when my control can get a little more shaky and reinforcing it is sensible), or it's a very new situation.

[drekfletch]

I just don't know how to modify my receptiveness without it overwhelming me.

One way is to adjust how your conceptualize your shields. People often think of shields as a wall at first, but that isn't the be all, end all of shields. Someone here once said their shields were a swirling of leaves, as though they were in the middle of a gentle tornado. I'm barely receptive passively, so I don't worry about shields. On the rare occasion that I feel the need, I see them as a lattice around me, that the earth vines up around, with lots of big leaves that intercept everything. The leaves then absorb whatever it is, and ground it down to the root system in the ground, bypassing me completely.



There is one person work brings me into contact with that I go further with my shields. When I know I'm going to have to interact with him, I set my latticework shielding beforehand (the setting isn't automatic for me as I use them so rarely) and then for the time we're interacting, the lattice and leaves get shifted and solidifiedinto a solid wall. When we're done, I burst the wall outward like a bubble popping and it and anything it absorbed dissolves into the ground. I'm left unprotected, but that's my baseline so it's not a big deal.