A little guidance would be very much appreciated.

[Rebellion]

So...my coming here to ask for help is a long time coming, about ten years in fact.
Lets start with a basic outline of my religious background shall we.
I was raised Christian (Church of Scotland) with the utter belief that this was true and this was right and this was proper (courtesy of my parents). Honestly though, looking back, my heart was never really in it. I felt nothing, not from the church or stories or prayers or sermons, I just followed on blindly because that's what I was raised to believe.

When I was 14 a series of events (which I believe now to have been entirely unavoidable) led me to question my faith, I very quickly found it lacking. So since then I have had dalliances with several religions over the years in an attempt to try and find one that fits with myself and my philosophies if you will.

Not believing has never been an option for me. I have faith, lots of faith I just don't know what I'm putting it in at the moment. I believe that gods exist and that they take an interest I just haven't managed to find the ones I'm being pulled towards yet.
I liked the ideals of things like Buddhism and Taoism but the latter was a bit much for me and the former well... it didn't take long to realise I am definitely Polytheistic. So I looked at Hinduism but as much as I couldn't find fault with it, it just felt wrong.

I'm an archaeologist and I have been reading burying myself in mythology from various religions since the age of about 9. It took me far to long to realise I should may have been looking at paganism and the older religions.

Every so often I've felt a pull over the years to look more deeply into my beliefs but it always got put on hold. Today wasn't a pull, it was like getting hit in the back of the head with a 2x4. So I found this place and through all my reading the feeling is still there, so I going to take this to mean I'm on the right track this time.

The problem is that there are still so many different things to look into and I don't know where to start. So I humbly ask for your help and suggestions I am very open minded in regards to this sort of thing so no help will be disregarded.

As I said I'm definitely on the polytheistic side of things, neither Hellenic nor Kemetic feels right I can't really explain why. I really need something with open views on sexuality and preferably gender roles. Morally I am very much in the grey area so there are few problems there. I know this isn't a lot of help probably but I've been feeling so lost and this place definitely feels like a step in the right direction.

Sorry for the long post but I felt I should explain my situation in full.

[Celtag]

So...my coming here to ask for help is a long time coming, about ten years in fact.
Lets start with a basic outline of my religious background shall we.
I was raised Christian (Church of Scotland) with the utter belief that this was true and this was right and this was proper (courtesy of my parents). Honestly though, looking back, my heart was never really in it. I felt nothing, not from the church or stories or prayers or sermons, I just followed on blindly because that's what I was raised to believe.

When I was 14 a series of events (which I believe now to have been entirely unavoidable) led me to question my faith, I very quickly found it lacking. So since then I have had dalliances with several religions over the years in an attempt to try and find one that fits with myself and my philosophies if you will.

Not believing has never been an option for me. I have faith, lots of faith I just don't know what I'm putting it in at the moment. I believe that gods exist and that they take an interest I just haven't managed to find the ones I'm being pulled towards yet.
I liked the ideals of things like Buddhism and Taoism but the latter was a bit much for me and the former well... it didn't take long to realise I am definitely Polytheistic. So I looked at Hinduism but as much as I couldn't find fault with it, it just felt wrong.

I'm an archaeologist and I have been reading burying myself in mythology from various religions since the age of about 9. It took me far to long to realise I should may have been looking at paganism and the older religions.

Every so often I've felt a pull over the years to look more deeply into my beliefs but it always got put on hold. Today wasn't a pull, it was like getting hit in the back of the head with a 2x4. So I found this place and through all my reading the feeling is still there, so I going to take this to mean I'm on the right track this time.

The problem is that there are still so many different things to look into and I don't know where to start. So I humbly ask for your help and suggestions I am very open minded in regards to this sort of thing so no help will be disregarded.

As I said I'm definitely on the polytheistic side of things, neither Hellenic nor Kemetic feels right I can't really explain why. I really need something with open views on sexuality and preferably gender roles. Morally I am very much in the grey area so there are few problems there. I know this isn't a lot of help probably but I've been feeling so lost and this place definitely feels like a step in the right direction.

Sorry for the long post but I felt I should explain my situation in full.

No, you explained your self very well. You might want to check out the Pagan Primer first I would say to give you a better understanding of it. http://www.ecauldron.net/newpagan.php

[PlaceboArtist]

As I said I'm definitely on the polytheistic side of things, neither Hellenic nor Kemetic feels right I can't really explain why. I really need something with open views on sexuality and preferably gender roles. Morally I am very much in the grey area so there are few problems there. I know this isn't a lot of help probably but I've been feeling so lost and this place definitely feels like a step in the right direction.

Sorry for the long post but I felt I should explain my situation in full.

In terms of pantheons with fluid gender roles, I can recommend the Norse gods. Loki transforms himself into a female mare and bears children, Thor dressed up as a bride (though it was just a disguise to get his hammer back), and Odin learned a sort of magic that was usually seen as a woman's craft. The Norse also had an abundance of female fighters and warriors - Freyja and the Valkyries. As for sexuality, it's less clear. This page has a good explanation.

[Rebellion]

No, you explained your self very well. You might want to check out the Pagan Primer first I would say to give you a better understanding of it. http://www.ecauldron.net/newpagan.php

Thank you I am working my way through it just now

In terms of pantheons with fluid gender roles, I can recommend the Norse gods. Loki transforms himself into a female mare and bears children, Thor dressed up as a bride (though it was just a disguise to get his hammer back), and Odin learned a sort of magic that was usually seen as a woman's craft. The Norse also had an abundance of female fighters and warriors - Freyja and the Valkyries. As for sexuality, it's less clear. This page has a good explanation.

I'll have a look into Asatru in some more detail and thank you so much for the link, the site was quite informative.