My father's getting out of prison in the fall.

[Sharysa]

So I've just managed a few steps into sorting out my many issues, and this morning I semi-woke to hear my mom yelling at someone on the phone.

When I actually got up and had breakfast a couple hours later, she said that my dad had called to tell her that he's getting out of prison in the fall and he's planning on moving in here. Apparently she's been telling him that he can't do that and she doesn't want him with us, but he hasn't been listening to her because he thinks we'll be waiting anxiously to welcome him back.

Which scares me even more than just knowing he'll be out this year. Considering he was sent to prison for child abuse, my fourteen-year-old niece visits every weekend, and that we live a few blocks away from not one but TWO schools, it probably won't happen, but I'm still in "FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO GET OUT NOW" mode.



And when I was REALLY panicking, I thought: "I have two-thousand-something in my bank account, plus I have a part-time job. I could find an apartment by next month if I look hard enough."

So, no. I'm not happy about this.

[Aster Breo]

Considering he was sent to prison for child abuse, my fourteen-year-old niece visits every weekend, and that we live a few blocks away from not one but TWO schools, it probably won't happen, but I'm still in "FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO GET OUT NOW" mode.

And when I was REALLY panicking, I thought: "I have two-thousand-something in my bank account, plus I have a part-time job. I could find an apartment by next month if I look hard enough."

So, no. I'm not happy about this.

Obviously, I have no idea of the specifics of this situation. But, before you panic, you might want to look into the laws in your area regarding convicted child abusers.

It's possible that he won't be able to legally live that close to a school, for example. And if the child he abused lives with or near you, there might be restrictions on how close he can be to that person.

Another thing to check out is whether a restraining order of some kind might be possible. That will probably depend on exactly what happened, when it happened, who was involved, and whether he is still a threat to hir.

Just some things to consider.

~ Aster

[HeartShadow]

So I've just managed a few steps into sorting out my many issues, and this morning I semi-woke to hear my mom yelling at someone on the phone.

When I actually got up and had breakfast a couple hours later, she said that my dad had called to tell her that he's getting out of prison in the fall and he's planning on moving in here. Apparently she's been telling him that he can't do that and she doesn't want him with us, but he hasn't been listening to her because he thinks we'll be waiting anxiously to welcome him back.

Which scares me even more than just knowing he'll be out this year. Considering he was sent to prison for child abuse, my fourteen-year-old niece visits every weekend, and that we live a few blocks away from not one but TWO schools, it probably won't happen, but I'm still in "FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO GET OUT NOW" mode.

And when I was REALLY panicking, I thought: "I have two-thousand-something in my bank account, plus I have a part-time job. I could find an apartment by next month if I look hard enough."

So, no. I'm not happy about this.

Is he getting out ON PAROLE? because then your mom would HAVE to agree that your house is his legal residence. And without that he would NOT be able to come in.

You do have options. I don't blame you for your panic, but there are options and ways of handling it. And Mr. Deluded will just have to find somewhere else to stay.

[RandallS]

Obviously, I have no idea of the specifics of this situation. But, before you panic, you might want to look into the laws in your area regarding convicted child abusers.

And if he is getting out of parole, check the laws on that. as Shadow mentioned in some states, a parolee cannot just move in where he/she isn't wanted.

Fall is 4 months away, you have time to check stuff out and get help if needed, but start checking things out now.

[Aster Breo]

Fall is 4 months away, you have time to check stuff out and get help if needed, but start checking things out now.

Just to add: Your best bet is to talk to a lawyer. Don't just read the internet.

Law is a very complicated thing. Many people think you can just look the law up on the internet, and that's all there is to it. But that's absolutely not true, and relying on that will almost always prove to be a huge problem.

The law itself (usually referred to as the state's "code") is just the starting point. In addition to the code, there are also:

* the legislative intent (which isn't always spelled out well in the language of the law);

* regulations (created, through a very lengthy and complex process, by the state agency responsible for implementing that particular law) that explain how the law will work in action; and

* court cases involving that specific law in which the court interprets how the law should be applied.

ALL of those factors are part of understanding what the law says and how it works. And it takes specialized training to be able to find and understand all the pieces. Which is what lawyers do.

Also, for the most part, the kind of issue you're describing is governed by state law, and it can vary drastically from state to state. So you need a lawyer who knows the law in your state. It's possible that there might also be an aspect that is covered by federal law, as well, which complicates things further.

If you don't have a lawyer, you can google for legal clinics in your area or see if the bar association in your state can give you referrals to someone who handless this area of law. Many state bar associations have referral info on their websites, but you can also call and talk to someone directly.

Another possibility is to see if any law schools near you have clinical programs in this area of law. Law school clinics are educational programs that give law students practical experience representing clients. Basically, your lawyer is a student or team of students working under the close supervision of a law professor who specializes in that area of law. Clinics often provide services for free.

Anyway, I hope you'll take the time to check out your options. As Randall said, you have a few months. But this can be time consuming and extremely confusing, so don't put it off for too long.

~ Aster

[Sharysa]

Anyway, I hope you'll take the time to check out your options. As Randall said, you have a few months. But this can be time consuming and extremely confusing, so don't put it off for too long.

Now that I've calmed down, I do know my options because Mom was listing all of the reasons why he couldn't stay with us over breakfast.

I think he's going to be out on parole, but even if not, he can't stay with us.

The current law in my area is that he can't live closer than 2000 feet to schools or other childcare centers, which in our city is five or six blocks. Our apartment is right around the corner from a school/tutoring center and three-ish blocks from another school, so that would be out even if we were willing to take him back in.

We also have a restraining order on him; he can talk to us through letters/email/phone, but he can't go physically closer than a certain distance to me, my sister, or our niece without an unprotected person. That leaves Mom, my aunts/uncles, and my brother (who's made it very clear that he doesn't want to talk to Dad anymore).

When his parole officer or the person in charge finds out exactly where Dad wants to go, there's no way he'll be allowed to live with us. So logically, I know I'm fine; it's just the knee-jerk fear that's getting me out of sorts.

I am looking for apartments just in case, but I might not be able to move out as soon as I'd like because we're saving that money for a down payment on a car.

So that's another complication.

[HeartShadow]

Your fear is reasonable - that's survival instincts. Those are GOOD.

It's just that running screaming, as attractive as it probably sounds, doesn't help. Better ideas - keep a camera on you, or a cell phone with picture capability that you can use to document if he tries to contact you. Make sure everyone in the family KNOWS what the plan is. Get his parole officer's # and post it prominently in the house. Report every single time he crosses the line.

He can't live there. If he tries it, he'll be back in the clink before y'all can blink, from the sounds of it. Especially since he can't move in to a place where someone living there has a pre-existing restraining order on him!

I'd visit the local police station, tell them what's going on, and ask for advice on how to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else. Cops HATE guys like him. Unless you already live in a high-crime area, you'll probably have stepped-up patrols around the schools and your house.

You're NOT ALONE. It's scary, yes, but that doesn't mean you're alone. And you're probably actually better off staying where you are - it's definitely a place he CANNOT go!

[Sharysa]

Thanks for the reassurance that fear = survival instinct.

I think that as with many other things I've realized, I'll just have to wait this out.