The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

I have been a practicing Pagan for about 2 years now, and I still have to basically hide it from my family.

I'm selective about who knows. However, I'm a fairly private person so no one really notices that I'm selective.

I have been a practicing Pagan for about 2 years now, and I still have to basically hide it from my family. My Parents are devout Catholics and they knew I had an interest in Celtic Polytheism, but to keep them off my back i basically have to keep saying I'm Catholic and all that. Does anyone else have this problem and what did you do.

 
I have been practicing for three or four? years now. I don't advertise but I quit hiding. My mother might freak if I came right out and said I was pagan and a witch but the rest don't care. I talk more openly about what I am doing and why there are bottles in my window and stuff. As I get more confident in my beliefs hiding them gets harder. Sorry your family isn't supportive.

I'm selective about who knows. However, I'm a fairly private person so no one really notices that I'm selective.

 
I too have always been very private about my religion.  I think the idea that you need to be open and out about your faith is a pretty Christian notion (and perhaps other Abrahamic faiths as well?) that a lot of people grew up with.  I for one was told a lot growing up that I needed to tell as many people as possible about my faith and then be a 'living example' of Christendom.  When I started getting into Wicca in high school, I still retained that attitude to a certain degree, but instead applied it to my new path - and yep, I was that stereotypical goth girl with the huge pentacle carrying her Wicca 101 book everywhere and talking to anyone and everyone about it.

As I grew older (and entered a much more supportive and tolerant college environment), it became clear to me that this wasn't the way everyone lived their life.  I am a naturally private person anyway, and so my Paganism, though I never made a conscious effort to hide it, gradually became less and less a part of my public persona.  Years afterwards, I was engaged and living with a wonderful and supportive man, and I still put up my altar in the closet - I wasn't yet totally comfortable sharing space completely, especially where my religion was concerned.  Though the altar has come out of the closet these days, and I do occasionally discuss Pagan goings-on with my husband, I still maintain that sense of privacy - I am most comfortable doing ritual when I have the house to myself, and I like to shop for Pagan supplies on my own.

Not that I believe every Pagan must be private about their faith (obviously ridiculous!), this is just what works for me.  My husband does occasionally question it - he's under the impression that I wouldn't 'hide' my faith if I wasn't ashamed of it - but I completely disagree.  It's just the kind of person I am.  I have no problem referring to the Wiccan rituals I attend as a 'church thing' when talking to my parents or in-laws (they are, after all, held at the local Unitarian church!).  It's not because I'm ashamed; I'm just not interested in outlining my very personal and complicated beliefs to everyone I meet, especially those who probably won't take the time to understand what I'm talking about anyway.

Does anyone else have this problem and what did you do.

From my experience, the best solution is just to let it be.  Your parents or anyone else aren't going to be convinced that you're pursuing a fulfilling path if they haven't been already.  If they ask, answer honestly; but there's no point in bringing something up that the two of you don't agree on.  Time may help a great deal with this - as you grow older and they realize you're still following the same path and nothing terrible has happened to you, and you're becoming a fully capable adult - they may warm up to the idea.  Then again, they might not, and it might just be one of those things you don't discuss with your parents.  My mother is rather homophobic, doesn't believe in global warming, and honestly thinks that the pill kills babies; these are things we've just stopped talking about.  It's not worth the loss of our relationship to try and convince her of her errors when she's just not willing to be convinced.

I have been a practicing Pagan for about 2 years now, and I still have to basically hide it from my family. My Parents are devout Catholics and they knew I had an interest in Celtic Polytheism, but to keep them off my back i basically have to keep saying I'm Catholic and all that. Does anyone else have this problem and what did you do.

 
I am very selective about who I tell my beliefs to.  My folks are Catholic, but I've been fortunate that they've been okay with it.  But really, I think it's no one's business but my own regarding what faith I have.  For the most part I prefer to just not bring it up.  I won't exactly hide it, but I don't broadcast it either.  The exceptions to this are when I see or hear judgmental actions about other faiths, and when I'm chatting with other people I know to be pagans already.  

I think it is important to realize if and when it's necessary to speak up about this.  If nothing positive can be gained from it, then I find it's best to keep quiet.  It's not worth the energy trying to force a mind open that's welded shut.  

However, I will say I am beginning to rethink this a bit due to some of the incredible levels of intolerance toward all things not christian being uttered by the likes of idiots like Rick Santorum and his moronic followers.

I have been a practicing Pagan for about 2 years now, and I still have to basically hide it from my family. My Parents are devout Catholics and they knew I had an interest in Celtic Polytheism, but to keep them off my back i basically have to keep saying I'm Catholic and all that. Does anyone else have this problem and what did you do.

 
I'll be very honest, as I always am. I have never hidden who I am or what I practice. I can't. It's completely against my personality and everything I morally stand for. That's not to say I don't understand those who do have to practice more discretion. But for me, I decided, right from the off, that I would discuss my religion and beliefs openly (even going so far as to do a presentation on it in a college class). If others didn't like it, including my family, then I didn't need or want them.

Again, this is all just for me. My own personal decisions. I know these same decisions wouldn't necessarily be right for everyone. I hope you find peace, soon, hon!

I have been a practicing Pagan for about 2 years now, and I still have to basically hide it from my family. My Parents are devout Catholics and they knew I had an interest in Celtic Polytheism, but to keep them off my back i basically have to keep saying I'm Catholic and all that. Does anyone else have this problem and what did you do.

 
I work on the "don't ask don't tell" principle. It's no real secret but I don't make a point of mentioning it unless I'm asked outright  - which has only been once. If the conversation is with someone I don't care to share with is heading too close for comfort I will deflect it.

I don't know whether my parents know or not. I guess they must suspect and my mother has commented on the statue of Lord Buddha I have in the corner but as she has Lord Shiva and Ganesh statutory around her house it isn't really noteworthy.

Anyone pagan visiting me might well guess from some of the things lying around but  I'm not big on the usual commercial tat embossed with pentacles.  Unless you realise the significance of the bowl of hawthorn berries on the shelf or recognise my beautiful antler tipped "walking stick" for the stang it really is then I pass totally under the radar.

Does anyone else have this problem and what did you do.

 
When I figure out what to do, I'll let you know.

Well, really, for the most part, it isn't an issue for me.  I don't live at home anymore, and haven't for years.  I also live a good eight hour drive from my parents, so they don't exactly come calling very often.  Actually, about the only person who visits my apartment with any regularity is my boyfriend (well, and my landlord when he comes to collect rent), and my boyfriend knows what I believe, so I really don't have to worry about hiding books, or anything.  And generally, I don't feel a need to tell the world I'm Pagan.  It's really not relevant to most conversations I have, so I don't bring up my religious beliefs very often, anyway.

The problem comes with my stepfather, because he's still convinced I'm a born-again Christian.  Usually, this doesn't matter, as religion doesn't come up super often, but occasionally it is rather awkward, just because, well, I'm not, and I feel dishonest when I don't say anything to counter his conception of my religious affiliation.  However, I don't think he'd take the news that I'm not Christian anymore terribly well (not that he'd disown me, or anything, but I'd probably never hear the end of it).  So I'm in a quandary of "how do I let my parents know I'm not Christian anymore in as gentle a manner as possible?" which I really haven't figured out yet.