I don't fit there, I get lost here

[CinnamonBrooms]

(If this gets long, I'm sorry. If you manage to read it all, I'm thankful)
Let me start off by saying I was raised christian, IFBaptist, so very conservative. My mom however was a wiccan witch, so while this world isn't exactly new to me, I never listened/learned what she had to say because christianity was what I knew to be 'true'.
My mom died in Jan 2009 & in June 2010 I decided I wanted to become a pagan. How's that for too little too late?
You would think that with a pagan parent, this should all be easy for me. I wish.
I could go into my whole backstory & why I am who I am, but it's long & I'll probably just word it badly. So to put it simply, I can't remember a time when I've ever believed in christianity. I stayed because I was scared. But, at some point everyone hits the wall, when you realize that you don't fit in this mold & if you ever want to be happy, you are going to have to build a mold of your own.

I think I've done pretty well at this. But, I don't know that I am & I don't really have any pagan friends, so I guess that's what I'm looking for. That and some reassurance I guess? I find alot of online pagans who tell me I'm doing it wrong, because I'm not doing it just like them. But, is that really how it works? Am I now allowed to believe what I believe?
(A few examples
I don't really have any deities, I do but none that I know by name or that have showed me they are there. For me this is okay, I know they are there, so is who they are really that important? (I know OF deities, I don't know who mine are)
I believe the earth is alive & we are her children, but I don't believe that I need to worship her. I appreciate her but I don't feel she want/needs us to worship her.
I have an alter, but I only put it up when I am feeling in the mood, does it really need to sit around all the time? In my head it seems like having it sit around all the time cheapens it, if I bring it out, use it & put it away it stays special to me.
I don't do alot of things that (apparently) alot of pagans do, I don't do seances, meditation, divination, etc etc. To me, these things will either come with time, or I may never do them. Right now I don't know but I'm not going to force myself to do something I don't want to because someone else says I should.
I have 'witchy' things, but they blend in with my home. I live in a VERY christian area & if I don't feel comfortable telling someone I shouldn't have to explain the 2ft pentacle on my wall. Unless you are a pagan yourself you would probably never spot these things, so what am I hurting by not having flashy/showy pagan items?
I do not call myself anything, if someone asks my religion I'll say I'm a pagan. But apparently you have to be some kind of a pagan (wicca/witch/druid/etc). I am not. I'm just a pagan. People have absolutely told me I am wrong & I have to be a certain kind of pagan, but why?


I guess, I spent my whole life in one religion that told me who I had to be. That never felt right & now I finally get the courage to go to a religion I've always felt I was, only for people to tell me I'm not doing it right. Sometimes you can't win for losing.

[Leeway]

( That never felt right & now I finally get the courage to go to a religion I've always felt I was, only for people to tell me I'm not doing it right.

Simply put, they're wrong.

And, if someday you find a nicely pre-labled set of complimentary beliefs that's right for you, they'll still be wrong.

Because what matters is that you are and will be (as we all are) journeying down a path of constant discovery. Those things you find along the way that are special to you, are exactly that: special to you. Doesn't matter what someone else has to say about it, unless you let it matter.

[Miss]

(If this gets long, I'm sorry. If you manage to read it all, I'm thankful)
Let me start off by saying I was raised christian, IFBaptist, so very conservative. My mom however was a wiccan witch, so while this world isn't exactly new to me, I never listened/learned what she had to say because christianity was what I knew to be 'true'.
My mom died in Jan 2009 & in June 2010 I decided I wanted to become a pagan. How's that for too little too late?
You would think that with a pagan parent, this should all be easy for me. I wish.
I could go into my whole backstory & why I am who I am, but it's long & I'll probably just word it badly. So to put it simply, I can't remember a time when I've ever believed in christianity. I stayed because I was scared. But, at some point everyone hits the wall, when you realize that you don't fit in this mold & if you ever want to be happy, you are going to have to build a mold of your own.

I think I've done pretty well at this. But, I don't know that I am & I don't really have any pagan friends, so I guess that's what I'm looking for. That and some reassurance I guess? I find alot of online pagans who tell me I'm doing it wrong, because I'm not doing it just like them. But, is that really how it works? Am I now allowed to believe what I believe?
(A few examples
I don't really have any deities, I do but none that I know by name or that have showed me they are there. For me this is okay, I know they are there, so is who they are really that important? (I know OF deities, I don't know who mine are)
I believe the earth is alive & we are her children, but I don't believe that I need to worship her. I appreciate her but I don't feel she want/needs us to worship her.
I have an alter, but I only put it up when I am feeling in the mood, does it really need to sit around all the time? In my head it seems like having it sit around all the time cheapens it, if I bring it out, use it & put it away it stays special to me.
I don't do alot of things that (apparently) alot of pagans do, I don't do seances, meditation, divination, etc etc. To me, these things will either come with time, or I may never do them. Right now I don't know but I'm not going to force myself to do something I don't want to because someone else says I should.
I have 'witchy' things, but they blend in with my home. I live in a VERY christian area & if I don't feel comfortable telling someone I shouldn't have to explain the 2ft pentacle on my wall. Unless you are a pagan yourself you would probably never spot these things, so what am I hurting by not having flashy/showy pagan items?
I do not call myself anything, if someone asks my religion I'll say I'm a pagan. But apparently you have to be some kind of a pagan (wicca/witch/druid/etc). I am not. I'm just a pagan. People have absolutely told me I am wrong & I have to be a certain kind of pagan, but why?


I guess, I spent my whole life in one religion that told me who I had to be. That never felt right & now I finally get the courage to go to a religion I've always felt I was, only for people to tell me I'm not doing it right. Sometimes you can't win for losing.

You should never categorize yourself as something you don't feel comfortable with.

Any group of people will have some who are judgmental. I've run into my fair share of egotistical pagans, but they usually have insightful things to say as well. I really like criticism,though.

What exactly are they saying you're doing wrong? I'm curious to know the specifics of what they felt was "wrong".

[sugarmagnolia]

I guess, I spent my whole life in one religion that told me who I had to be. That never felt right & now I finally get the courage to go to a religion I've always felt I was, only for people to tell me I'm not doing it right. Sometimes you can't win for losing.

Finding your own path is rarely, if ever easy. It's a life long journey and one of the most common ways to "do it wrong" is to rush your seeking (the other is to think that there's nothing left to learn).

Take time to examine who you are, where you've been, and where/what you want to go/be, and don't let any one rush you. Seeking your path should be more like strolling through the woods and taking time to enjoy your surroundings, not rushing down the interstate at 70 mph.

Research and read about the various Pagan paths, but be sure to keep your BS meter turned on. While there's a ton of really good information out there, there's a lot of misinformation as well.

Try Witchvox for finding other Pagans in your area; you may be pleasantly surprised. There's a quite a large number of us living in the Bible Belt, and I suspect that the actual number is larger than any of us realizes.

[Etheric1]

Simply put, they're wrong.

And, if someday you find a nicely pre-labled set of complimentary beliefs that's right for you, they'll still be wrong.

Because what matters is that you are and will be (as we all are) journeying down a path of constant discovery. Those things you find along the way that are special to you, are exactly that: special to you. Doesn't matter what someone else has to say about it, unless you let it matter.

Um, I disagree. There are plenty of paths that have rather clear-cut boundaries. I would think it would be hard to be a Kemetic pagan and not believe in Maat, or actively worship Apep. If I heard that, I would not consider the person a Kemetic pagan.

However, I do not have an issue with someone being an eclectic that does their research and chooses a less formal belief. With "pagan" being an umbrella term, that gives the person a wide berth on what they choose to practice. Now, if someone is telling you you're being a pagan wrong, then yes, it's harder to play the game of: you MUST do X because there is no consensus on what's what for the most part.

To the OP, I'd say there are more than enough paths out there to explore and I would encourage you to keep looking until you find something that resonates with you and then learn what you can about it. People will have different perspectives and may not agree with you, but if you feel you've found the right one for you learn what you can and decide for yourself what is correct. Pagans (and really all faiths) will have differences of opinion on what's right and wrong to be on the particular path. Try to find what the general consensus is for a specific path is before worrying about what everyone in it thinks about how to act.

It's also okay to be "spiritual" which I'd say is probably acknowledging that there is more out there and you have in interest in learning but don't want or need something more specific.

I'd be curious to know what the people that said you are "doing it wrong" specifically mean. More info would be needed before I'd agree or disagree with that assessment.

Edit: I also agree with sugarmagnolia above on all points. This isn't always easy, and do keep up your BS meter.

[Jenett]

(If this gets long, I'm sorry. If you manage to read it all, I'm thankful)

Hi there! I like long! (One thing you might find helpful, though, is putting a blank line between every 3-6 lines of text: it makes it much easier for most people to read on the screen.)

I find alot of online pagans who tell me I'm doing it wrong, because I'm not doing it just like them. But, is that really how it works? Am I now allowed to believe what I believe?

Yes. But of course, if you talk to other people about it, they're going to have opinions. How much that might matter to you depends on a lot of things, but you shouldn't let their opinions decide what makes you happy or satisfied or whatever.

There are times when agreement matters: if you want to work with other specific people, y'all are going to need to agree in some way about what you're going to do, how you're going to do it, and at least some of why you're doing it that way. (Sort of like if you're going to put together a musical performance, or a theatre production, everyone sort of has to agree on what you're doing, and how you're doing it, or you have a big mess.)

But that doesn't mean there's *only* one right way. There are often lots of right ways. And there are often lots of ways that work for some people, and not for others.

(Also, not everyone commenting in online spaces actually knows tons about what they're doing. A lot of the people who are most rigid are people who've been exploring some strand of Paganism for a period of time - a few month, a year, two years - but who don't always have enough breadth of understanding or experience to know how many different approaches there are.)

I don't really have any deities, I do but none that I know by name or that have showed me they are there. For me this is okay, I know they are there, so is who they are really that important? (I know OF deities, I don't know who mine are)

Depends. There are some acts of devotion, worship, or honoring, that get a lot easier when you know more. Just like if you were to buy a present for someone, it's usually easier to buy presents for people you know, than some random stranger right?

Some people develop very strong personal relationships with a particular deity, by that deity tapping them on the head. Most people, though, tend to choose who they wish to honor (usually through some combination of general leaning and research) and go on from there. Both ways are just fine, but one may work much better for an individual than the other.

(Also, there are Pagans out there who do not do direct work with any deity. That's not how I do things, so I have a harder time talking about it, but it works just fine for the people I know who do it that way.)

I have an alter, but I only put it up when I am feeling in the mood, does it really need to sit around all the time? In my head it seems like having it sit around all the time cheapens it, if I bring it out, use it & put it away it stays special to me.

This is also quite common. And actually, it's one of the distinctions between an altar and a shrine for people who make that distinction. For me, an altar is a working tool in its own right, and generally, I do not leave it set up.

I do have a small daily devotional shrine, but it has different stuff on it than my working altar is, and I go through periods where it would be really hard to tell it was particularly related to my religious practice. (right now, I've got a couple of devotional statues and a cup on it, so it looks a bit more like a working altar.)

Again, there are lots of options.

I don't do alot of things that (apparently) alot of pagans do, I don't do seances, meditation, divination, etc etc. To me, these things will either come with time, or I may never do them. Right now I don't know but I'm not going to force myself to do something I don't want to because someone else says I should.

Quite sensible. (Meditation in some form is relatively core to a number of specific paths - simply because, I think, the benefits of some method of quieting the mind have a lot of spiritual applications. But divination, while it can be quite useful, is considered a sort of sideline of interest in a lot of Pagan paths, and seances even more so.)

I have 'witchy' things, but they blend in with my home. I live in a VERY christian area & if I don't feel comfortable telling someone I shouldn't have to explain the 2ft pentacle on my wall. Unless you are a pagan yourself you would probably never spot these things, so what am I hurting by not having flashy/showy pagan items?

Absolutely nothing. (Then again, the only obviously witchy items in my house are my books and my actual altar supplies - even the shrine could be something else.)

I do not call myself anything, if someone asks my religion I'll say I'm a pagan. But apparently you have to be some kind of a pagan (wicca/witch/druid/etc). I am not. I'm just a pagan. People have absolutely told me I am wrong & I have to be a certain kind of pagan, but why?

Because people have weird hangups.

The thing you should understand is that Pagan is an *incredibly* broad term - it's sort of like saying "I'm monotheistic". It covers a lot of ground, and people who are trying to figure out how to understand other stuff you say (to put a question into context, or have a conversation about what you do, or whatever else that might be interesting) are going to have to work harder if that's all you say - because there's *so* many options.

That's part of why we use more words, and narrow down a bit: it makes it easier for us to find likeminded people, and for likeminded people to find us, and for us to have more effective conversations when we find each other.

But that said: Pagan can work just fine, just be aware that people may need to ask more questions to figure out how to continue a conversation. (So most people do eventually end up with - if not a particular path label, a short sentence that sums up the major points.)

[CinnamonBrooms]

What exactly are they saying you're doing wrong? I'm curious to know the specifics of what they felt was "wrong".

Now, if someone is telling you you're being a pagan wrong, then yes, it's harder to play the game of: you MUST do X because there is no consensus on what's what for the most part.
I'd be curious to know what the people that said you are "doing it wrong" specifically mean. More info would be needed before I'd agree or disagree with that assessment.

Thanks for the replies
Some of the things I've been told I'm doing wrong are:
Reincarnation, I believe that when you start out your soul has a set of things it must do/learn before you are done on this earth (a soul contract if you will). Until you have finished your...lessons you are going to be reincarnated. After that, I don't know, I assume your going somewhere, but that we don't/can't know where that it.
On the same note, part of me believes that your soul will end up where ever you believe it will go. So if you are a christian & believe your going to heaven, you probably will. If you believe your going to hell, you probably will. If you believe your going to be reincarnated, you probably will. Same with the summerland. If you are an atheist & believe your going nowhere, well, you probably will.

Deities, like I said I'm sure there are deities that work with/help me. But I don't know who they are & it doesn't seem like they mind or are too eager to tell me who they are.
Sometimes I will offer gifts to them, sometimes I won't. Sometimes I will set up the alter & have an actual ritual to ask for their help, sometimes I will just ask them & go on about my day.
I don't believe that your deities demand worship, a simple relationship will do. As long as I acknowledge & appreciate their presence in my life, and thank them for all they do for me. I cowered to my old God, I don't feel like my deities need me to do that for them.

Other religions, I don't really think any religion is wrong (well, barring that it doesn't hurt anyone, the LDS mormons for example, are not okay with me). And while I don't believe in the Christian God, I cannot say with certainty that he doesn't exist anymore than I can say that Demeter does exist. So while I don't believe I'm going to heaven/hell, if that's what you believe then okay. You might be right, I might be right, we might BOTH be right.

Those are a few examples that I can think of off the top of my head.

Take time to examine who you are, where you've been, and where/what you want to go/be, and don't let any one rush you. Seeking your path should be more like strolling through the woods and taking time to enjoy your surroundings, not rushing down the interstate at 70 mph.
Try Witchvox for finding other Pagans in your area; you may be pleasantly surprised. There's a quite a large number of us living in the Bible Belt, and I suspect that the actual number is larger than any of us realizes.

That's what I thought too, there is no need to know it all right.now, if I never learn how to do tarot, would that really make me less of a pagan? If I spend my time in the woods feeding the animals & loving nature, would that? If it takes me my whole life to figure out who my deities are or where I'm going when I die, would that? I spent way too much time trying to meet the expectations of others, this is MY turn.
I will give witchvox a try, I've looked at it before, but that was when I was brand new at all this & got a little overwhelmed. I don't live in the bible belt, just a small town in the woods lol.

[CinnamonBrooms]

Yes. But of course, if you talk to other people about it, they're going to have opinions. How much that might matter to you depends on a lot of things, but you shouldn't let their opinions decide what makes you happy or satisfied or whatever.

There are times when agreement matters: if you want to work with other specific people, y'all are going to need to agree in some way about what you're going to do, how you're going to do it, and at least some of why you're doing it that way. (Sort of like if you're going to put together a musical performance, or a theatre production, everyone sort of has to agree on what you're doing, and how you're doing it, or you have a big mess.)

But that doesn't mean there's *only* one right way. There are often lots of right ways. And there are often lots of ways that work for some people, and not for others.

(Also, not everyone commenting in online spaces actually knows tons about what they're doing. A lot of the people who are most rigid are people who've been exploring some strand of Paganism for a period of time - a few month, a year, two years - but who don't always have enough breadth of understanding or experience to know how many different approaches there are.)



Depends. There are some acts of devotion, worship, or honoring, that get a lot easier when you know more. Just like if you were to buy a present for someone, it's usually easier to buy presents for people you know, than some random stranger right?

Some people develop very strong personal relationships with a particular deity, by that deity tapping them on the head. Most people, though, tend to choose who they wish to honor (usually through some combination of general leaning and research) and go on from there. Both ways are just fine, but one may work much better for an individual than the other.

(Also, there are Pagans out there who do not do direct work with any deity. That's not how I do things, so I have a harder time talking about it, but it works just fine for the people I know who do it that way.)



This is also quite common. And actually, it's one of the distinctions between an altar and a shrine for people who make that distinction. For me, an altar is a working tool in its own right, and generally, I do not leave it set up.

I do have a small daily devotional shrine, but it has different stuff on it than my working altar is, and I go through periods where it would be really hard to tell it was particularly related to my religious practice. (right now, I've got a couple of devotional statues and a cup on it, so it looks a bit more like a working altar.)

Again, there are lots of options.



Quite sensible. (Meditation in some form is relatively core to a number of specific paths - simply because, I think, the benefits of some method of quieting the mind have a lot of spiritual applications. But divination, while it can be quite useful, is considered a sort of sideline of interest in a lot of Pagan paths, and seances even more so.)



Absolutely nothing. (Then again, the only obviously witchy items in my house are my books and my actual altar supplies - even the shrine could be something else.)



Because people have weird hangups.

The thing you should understand is that Pagan is an *incredibly* broad term - it's sort of like saying "I'm monotheistic". It covers a lot of ground, and people who are trying to figure out how to understand other stuff you say (to put a question into context, or have a conversation about what you do, or whatever else that might be interesting) are going to have to work harder if that's all you say - because there's *so* many options.

That's part of why we use more words, and narrow down a bit: it makes it easier for us to find likeminded people, and for likeminded people to find us, and for us to have more effective conversations when we find each other.

But that said: Pagan can work just fine, just be aware that people may need to ask more questions to figure out how to continue a conversation. (So most people do eventually end up with - if not a particular path label, a short sentence that sums up the major points.)

IRL there is noone for me to agree with lol, my sister & I are the only pagans I know & she's just like I am. She's a little more advanced than I am (she didn't grow up christian & did learn from my mother), I imagine I could learn from her & I do ask her opinion on some things, but I want to do this my way. If that makes sense
For others I just keep it to myself unless they ask. I will defend my religion against attacks (which are few but they have happened) but I don't bring it up or anything.
I do have small daily reminders, not so much a shrine, but things that when I see them center me & make me think of it all.
I don't mind explaining what I believe, I understand that people are going to try to relate to me, it's human nature & I do it too. But to ask me who my goddess is & then tell me it's wrong to not know her, or that I'm not really a pagan because I won't say that christians/mormons/etc are wrong is (to me) a bit rude, kwim?

[Etheric1]

Thanks for the replies
Some of the things I've been told I'm doing wrong are:
Reincarnation, I believe that when you start out your soul has a set of things it must do/learn before you are done on this earth (a soul contract if you will). Until you have finished your...lessons you are going to be reincarnated. After that, I don't know, I assume your going somewhere, but that we don't/can't know where that it.
On the same note, part of me believes that your soul will end up where ever you believe it will go. So if you are a christian & believe your going to heaven, you probably will. If you believe your going to hell, you probably will. If you believe your going to be reincarnated, you probably will. Same with the summerland. If you are an atheist & believe your going nowhere, well, you probably will.

Deities, like I said I'm sure there are deities that work with/help me. But I don't know who they are & it doesn't seem like they mind or are too eager to tell me who they are.
Sometimes I will offer gifts to them, sometimes I won't. Sometimes I will set up the alter & have an actual ritual to ask for their help, sometimes I will just ask them & go on about my day.
I don't believe that your deities demand worship, a simple relationship will do. As long as I acknowledge & appreciate their presence in my life, and thank them for all they do for me. I cowered to my old God, I don't feel like my deities need me to do that for them.

Other religions, I don't really think any religion is wrong (well, barring that it doesn't hurt anyone, the LDS mormons for example, are not okay with me). And while I don't believe in the Christian God, I cannot say with certainty that he doesn't exist anymore than I can say that Demeter does exist. So while I don't believe I'm going to heaven/hell, if that's what you believe then okay. You might be right, I might be right, we might BOTH be right.

Those are a few examples that I can think of off the top of my head.

Wow! Okay my personal take on it is I would ignore the people that said those things. The majority of pagans I have met in person tend to believe in all those things. Personally I believe pretty much the same as you do on all a lot of these points. I think you just had an unfortunate encounter with a lot of idiots.

[Miss]

Thanks for the replies
Some of the things I've been told I'm doing wrong are:
Reincarnation, I believe that when you start out your soul has a set of things it must do/learn before you are done on this earth (a soul contract if you will). Until you have finished your...lessons you are going to be reincarnated. After that, I don't know, I assume your going somewhere, but that we don't/can't know where that it.
On the same note, part of me believes that your soul will end up where ever you believe it will go. So if you are a christian & believe your going to heaven, you probably will. If you believe your going to hell, you probably will. If you believe your going to be reincarnated, you probably will. Same with the summerland. If you are an atheist & believe your going nowhere, well, you probably will.

Deities, like I said I'm sure there are deities that work with/help me. But I don't know who they are & it doesn't seem like they mind or are too eager to tell me who they are.
Sometimes I will offer gifts to them, sometimes I won't. Sometimes I will set up the alter & have an actual ritual to ask for their help, sometimes I will just ask them & go on about my day.
I don't believe that your deities demand worship, a simple relationship will do. As long as I acknowledge & appreciate their presence in my life, and thank them for all they do for me. I cowered to my old God, I don't feel like my deities need me to do that for them.

I don't have any beliefs of the afterlife. It's not something that greatly concerns me, but I have felt pressured to develop beliefs of the afterlife. Pagans don't all have the same views of after death...and that doesn't make anyone less pagan. =P

I actually read somewhere that there's group of people who believe that all religions are correct because our collective minds create everything around us. I don't necessarily believe in this, but it's a peaceful thought. Instead of "I'm right, your wrong!" it's "Everyone is right!".