Still lost after a year....

[Elizabeth]

I know these things take time, but I'm starting to get antsy. I need the guidance of a god/goddess/being of some sort. I just have no clue what I believe in regards to the divine, and how to even go about exploring it.

I believe in reincarnation. I have no idea whether I believe our full spirit/being is reincarnated into a different form, or only bits and pieces. I have no idea whether we keep being reincarnated or eventually reach Heaven or whatever you want to call it. I just believe we don't die and that is it.

I am pretty much open to any ideas about the divine. I would like to think there are actual beings helping us along, but I'm not so sure. I like the Hindu view of gods, but I feel like it is so hard to connect with Hinduism because the culture is worlds apart.



I have asked and asked and asked for any Being to show themselves to me in some way. I can't connect when praying because I don't feel connected to anything. I feel like an idiot half the time with this religious stuff. Offerings are uncomfortable to me, though I am not opposed to them if I just knew who I was offering to and what they wanted. Magic of any sort is uncomfortable to me. I feel silly. It feels like it just isn't me.

What are my next steps? I don't want to throw my religion/spirituality down the drain, but I'm so lost, spiritually and in my own life.

Thanks for any help.

[celestialwolf]

I know these things take time, but I'm starting to get antsy. I need the guidance of a god/goddess/being of some sort. I just have no clue what I believe in regards to the divine, and how to even go about exploring it.

I believe in reincarnation. I have no idea whether I believe our full spirit/being is reincarnated into a different form, or only bits and pieces. I have no idea whether we keep being reincarnated or eventually reach Heaven or whatever you want to call it. I just believe we don't die and that is it.

I am pretty much open to any ideas about the divine. I would like to think there are actual beings helping us along, but I'm not so sure. I like the Hindu view of gods, but I feel like it is so hard to connect with Hinduism because the culture is worlds apart.

I have asked and asked and asked for any Being to show themselves to me in some way. I can't connect when praying because I don't feel connected to anything. I feel like an idiot half the time with this religious stuff. Offerings are uncomfortable to me, though I am not opposed to them if I just knew who I was offering to and what they wanted. Magic of any sort is uncomfortable to me. I feel silly. It feels like it just isn't me.

What are my next steps? I don't want to throw my religion/spirituality down the drain, but I'm so lost, spiritually and in my own life.

Thanks for any help.

Hi Elizabeth, I've found that the guidance you are seeking is often subtle in nature. Belief is something formed over time as well as your view of the divine. You obviously want to believe in *something*. A relationship with the divine is something that's cultivated rather than demanded of the Gods. You might try FlameKeeping to better understand yourself, the divine and the world around you better. Or you can also chose a deity that has similar interests as your own and start to work with them. They won't always choose for you.

[Juniperberry]

I know these things take time, but I'm starting to get antsy. I need the guidance of a god/goddess/being of some sort. I just have no clue what I believe in regards to the divine, and how to even go about exploring it.

I believe in reincarnation. I have no idea whether I believe our full spirit/being is reincarnated into a different form, or only bits and pieces. I have no idea whether we keep being reincarnated or eventually reach Heaven or whatever you want to call it. I just believe we don't die and that is it.

I am pretty much open to any ideas about the divine. I would like to think there are actual beings helping us along, but I'm not so sure. I like the Hindu view of gods, but I feel like it is so hard to connect with Hinduism because the culture is worlds apart.

I have asked and asked and asked for any Being to show themselves to me in some way. I can't connect when praying because I don't feel connected to anything. I feel like an idiot half the time with this religious stuff. Offerings are uncomfortable to me, though I am not opposed to them if I just knew who I was offering to and what they wanted. Magic of any sort is uncomfortable to me. I feel silly. It feels like it just isn't me.

What are my next steps? I don't want to throw my religion/spirituality down the drain, but I'm so lost, spiritually and in my own life.

Thanks for any help.

Why not begin with a form of ancestor veneration (this might conflict with your feelings on reincarnation, but also jives with your sense that we don't just die)? Unlike some gods, our ancestors already have a vested interest in us and they can be easier to connect with. Some may even be willing to bring things into your life that will help you find some spiritual fulfillment.

[HeartShadow]

When I was at that state, a big part of my problem was that I was trying to shoehorn myself into a religion that just didn't work for me. The only thing I'd found was Neo-Wicca, so I was going to be one. Darn it.

Even after finding out there were other options, I clung to my Wiccan label because I wanted to believe in SOMETHING. I wanted a label, a culture, a group. I didn't want to be a lone voice in the wilderness.

But as long as I was trying to make myself something I wasn't, everything felt hollow. I felt stupid doing rituals, offerings, whatnot. It didn't fit.

When I finally accepted that whatever it was that I was, I didn't have a group already established to fit into, things fell more into place. It wasn't EASY - but it became POSSIBLE. Maybe you're trying to force yourself into the wrong box.

[veggiewolf]

...

I agree with everything HeartShadow said here and will add the following: contact with deity is not a given on any religious path. Waiting for such to occur before continuing your exploration could, in fact, lead you to a long period of waiting.

[Tana]

I have asked and asked and asked for any Being to show themselves to me in some way. I can't connect when praying because I don't feel connected to anything.

Besides Shadow's and Veggie's answers, I think the quote is your answer for the problem.

Things may sound flamboyant, if you read folks on TC talking about their contacts to gods and spirits. (And don't be fooled, this place has a very over average number of so-called 'god-bothered' folks, it is not the normal thing.) But you need to know, that such things are way more subtle.

You can ask for someone to hear you and to show themselves, but are you sure you're looking for the right signs? An answer can be a vague feeling, a little pull towards a certain book, a passing thought... very subtle.

Also one of the most important basics I found to be true is: Know yourself. The more you are aware of what you believe, what you think - how you think - the easier it is to realize, if something else is making itself known to you.

Patience, young padawan. Others been there before and managed, you will too.

[savvy]

I agree with everything HeartShadow said here and will add the following: contact with deity is not a given on any religious path. Waiting for such to occur before continuing your exploration could, in fact, lead you to a long period of waiting.

Don't stop exploring just because you're yet to have any deity contact.
I felt lost for years, until recently when I had some contact... it only took roughly 6 years of searching, reading and questioning. However, I don't think it would have occurred at all otherwise, but then again I'm very much a believer of doing rather than waiting for things to happen.

[sephira]

I have been in your shoes and I know the frustration you feel. As Tana said "Be patient". I started my first path awhile back! And I found myself not connecting with anything until recently. No, I am NOT trying to scare you, just letting you know that forcing it doesn't work, not that you necessarily are. I was trying to force a connection. I did the rituals, gave myself a label and said I was going to do it come hell or high water! You know when I did get a connection? When I stopped all my nonsense, just let it happen, if it was even meant to happen. I even stopped thinking about it. And who connected with me? Ganesh. He's as far from everything I was practicing before! I understand your concern about the Hindus being worlds apart, but they aren't as far as you think. If you ever have a question about it just Private Message me, not saying I'm an authority, but I'll answer what I can and research the rest. I just love to research! Seriously!
So Good Luck and Be Patient! I'm pulling for you!

[Elizabeth]

Thanks, everyone! I appreciate the replies.

I've had some stressful stuff going on lately, so it hurts when I see others turning to their beliefs for comfort and I'm left standing here still confused and just more hurt.

Other than researching things that interest me, I don't really push it otherwise now. I think I may start a daily "relaxation" time with a yummy smelling candle and see where that takes me. At least have some time to connect with myself a bit.

[Gelfling]

Other than researching things that interest me, I don't really push it otherwise now. I think I may start a daily "relaxation" time with a yummy smelling candle and see where that takes me. At least have some time to connect with myself a bit.

That's about where I am, too. There was a thread awhile back where someone suggested a sort of active imagination type meditation, where you picture yourself somewhere comfortable like a meadow and invite Whomever to come chat. I started to do so, and got a very strong sense of 'your eyes aren't even open yet, kitten, come back later.' So, back to the basics for me.

I finally got a copy of Trance-Portation by Diana Paxson a week or so ago and I'm forcing myself to do the exercises for the time frames she suggests and not read ahead until I'm ready to move forward. It's taking a lot of effort to ignore my "read ALL the things!" instincts, but I'm hoping this way will work better than my usual habits.